Those of you who read my earlier post Why I Talk to Everyone will remember that I said that I was going to write more in depth about making connections and forming mini relationships quickly. Most people think that some people are born with the ability to meet people and make new friends and that some aren’t. I believe that to a point, in that some people have a natural inclination towards social exchanges and some do not, but I also believe that successful social exchanges take a learned skill.
You have all heard the saying, “It’s not what you know, but WHO you know that counts.” This couldn’t be more true than in an entrepreneur’s world. Malcolm Gladwell speaks to this idea in his book, The Tipping Point. He says, “Acquaintances (not good friends) represent a source of social power, and the more acquaintances you have the more powerful you are.” He discounts the importance of your best friends in serving business needs by saying that they occupy the same spheres of influence that you are do. “Weak ties,” on the other hand, allow you access to social groups, business contacts, and opportunities (not to mention dates) that you never would have had with your group of close friends.
Now you know why it is in your best interest to be friendly and make friends and contacts wherever you go, and I’d like to give you some practical ideas of how to combat your fears in these types of situations. First, take action. Action Cures Fear! If you are terrified of starting conversations with people, then go out right now and say….something, anything. It doesn’t matter how you start, just say something. Sometimes people will grunt at you so you just move along, and sometimes you’ll meet people who just open up.
The best way I’ve found to break the ice is to ask them about something they own, be it the watch on the wrist or the car they are driving. Everyone like to talk about themselves and their stuff. Get people talking about themselves and they’ll love you! Once you’re in conversation, it’s pretty easy to transition with questions like, “do you work around here?” or “what do you do for a living?” or something along those lines. You never know when you’ll meet your next business partner, customer, or best friend!
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July 30th, 2007 at 4:53 am
Hi Graham, great post once again!
I learned a lot about networking (or just being a “people person”) last weekend while watching a close friend of mine in action.
My wife and I were holding a party for some of our friends and family members.
This guy didn’t know the other participants this well, but he’s great with people, so I was really impressed to see how he connected with everyone in the party one by one.
For example he started chatting with my dad. He just went to him at the coffee table and asked: “How’s it going?” A simple question. My dad answered something like “Oh, fine thanks.”
If it would have been me, I might have even dropped the conversation there, but my friend went on saying: “I have heard that you are working as a pastor in this city in Finland?”
And all of the sudden there was a lively discussion going on about work, life, and religious topics. Really inspiring stuff!
I think what this guy did was that he showed my dad that he was really looking for a conversation and not just saying “How are you” to be polite.
That’s my lesson learned from last weekend. The words you say don’t have to be that special: just don’t give up too easily - and be genuinely interested to hear what the other person has to say.
I think your point about getting people to speak about themselves is key. Then they’ll notice that you’re interested in them and not only pushing yourself to them.
July 30th, 2007 at 6:39 am
You hit the nail on the head, Jarkko! Isn’t it fun watching those people work their magic? I’m working on becoming “that guy” who talks to everyone effortlessly!
Also, I’ve found that when you focus on being genuinely interested in people, it just makes life more fun! When you take your eyes off yourself you can start to make a difference!
July 30th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Networking is probably one of the best skills you can have in life. Keep you appearances up and keep your contacts up once you make them. Even send an email or give a call to people you might not even know so well, just to keep the contact up, it may pay out in the future. Like you said its not always what you know its who you know as well.